Understanding Challenging Behaviour: What Your Child Is Communicating

Challenging behaviour can be one of the most stressful experiences for parents and caregivers. Tantrums, meltdowns, aggression, refusal, or withdrawal can leave families feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to help. At The Nest Family Behaviour Support Services, we support families across York Region using evidence-based Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA therapy). One of the most important principles we teach parents is this:

Challenging behaviour is a form of communication.

When we understand why a behaviour is happening, we can respond in ways that create meaningful, long-term behaviour change.

Challenging Behaviour Has Meaning

From an ABA perspective, behaviour does not happen randomly. Every behaviour serves a function - it helps a child meet a need, communicate discomfort, or navigate their environment.

When children - especially those with autism, ADHD, or developmental delays - do not yet have the skills to communicate their needs effectively, behaviour often becomes their primary form of communication. Instead of asking:“How do we stop this behaviour?” ABA encourages us to ask: “What is my child trying to tell me?” This shift is the foundation of effective behaviour intervention and parent coaching.

The Four Functions of Behaviour (ABA Explained for Parents)

Understanding the function of behaviour allows families and clinicians to create individualized behaviour support plans that work.

1. Attention-Seeking Behaviour

Some behaviours occur to gain attention from adults or peers - even if that attention is negative.

Examples include:

• Yelling

• Interrupting

• Climbing on caregivers

• Acting out when attention is divided

What your child may be communicating:“I need connection.”“I don’t know how to ask for attention appropriately.”

2. Access to Tangibles

Children may engage in challenging behaviour to access preferred items or activities.

Examples include:

• Crying when a device is removed

• Aggression when denied a toy

• Meltdowns when preferred activities end

What your child may be communicating:“I want that.”“I need help learning to wait or ask.”

3. Escape or Avoidance

Escape-maintained behaviour is one of the most common reasons for challenging behaviour in children.

Examples include:

• Refusal to complete tasks

• Meltdowns during transitions

• Avoiding schoolwork

• Leaving the area

What your child may be communicating:“This is too hard.”“I’m overwhelmed.”“I need a break.”

This is especially common in children with learning differences or sensory sensitivities.

4. Sensory-Based Behaviour

Some behaviours help children regulate their bodies or nervous systems.

Examples include:

• Rocking or spinning

• Chewing objects

• Hand flapping

• Avoiding loud or busy environments

What your child may be communicating:“My body needs sensory input.”“This environment feels overwhelming.”

Why Punishment Doesn’t Create Lasting Behaviour Change

Punishment alone may temporarily reduce a behaviour - but it does not address the underlying skill deficit.

If a child still needs:

• Attention

• Help communicating

• Sensory regulation

• A way to escape overwhelming demands

…the behaviour will likely reappear in another form.

ABA therapy focuses on teaching skills - not suppressing behaviour.

Teaching Replacement Skills Through ABA Therapy

Once the function of behaviour is identified, the next step is teaching functional replacement skills.

These may include:

• Functional communication (verbal, visual, or AAC)

• Requesting breaks

• Waiting and tolerance skills

• Emotional regulation strategies

• Transition supports

• Self-advocacy skills

At The Nest Family Behaviour Support Services, our goal is to reduce challenging behaviour by teaching children what to do instead. We seek to empower the individual with the tools they need to navigate their environment and social setting.

The Environment Matters

Behaviour is influenced by the environment. Effective behaviour support looks beyond the child and considers:

• Are expectations developmentally appropriate?

• Are visual supports in place?

• Is the child regulated before learning begins?

• Are transitions clearly structured?

• Is the environment predictable and supportive?

Small environmental changes can significantly reduce meltdowns, aggression, and refusal. This also creates a predictable expectation between the individual and caregivers. Simple modifications in these areas can help to support the development of rapport between caregivers and the individual.

What This Means for Parents and Caregivers

When families understand behaviour as communication, everything changes.

It means:

• Your child is not “misbehaving”

• Your child is not “manipulative”

• You are not failing as a parent

• There is a reason behind the behaviour

• There is a clear path forward

With parent coaching, ABA-based strategies, and individualized support, families can experience calmer routines and stronger connections.

Behaviour Support in York Region

The Nest Family Behaviour Support Services provides:

• ABA therapy

• Parent coaching and training

• Behaviour assessments

• Individualized behaviour intervention plans

• Support for children and families across York Region, Ontario

If your child is struggling with challenging behaviour, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Understanding the “why” behind behaviour is the first step toward meaningful change.